This past week was kind of a mess, logistically speaking.
We had Noah's best friend sleep over Tuesday night because there was no school on Wednesday. On Thursday, there was a half day (of unknown etiology) for the older two, then Aviva started a new and much bigger gym class that afternoon. On Friday, I had to catch up on errands and ended up dragging my poor, beleaguered children all over town to accomplish everything in a timely manner...just so I could get home and catch up on the laundry. Sigh.
All of these minor disruptions to our normal - yet equally hectic - routine precipitated the need to blow off some steam on Friday night.
As we ate dinner (30 minutes late, of course. If I served a meal on time, my husband might die of shock.), I had my lastFM station on in the background. It was nice and relaxing; happy conversation and delicious food scored by acoustic and indie rock. That is, until this song came on.
Noah was highly amused.
"Mom, did she just say the F word? And dickhead??!!!?"
"Yes."
(hysterical laughter from all three children)
"Mom, can we have a swear night? Can we use swear words until bedtime?"
"You can have a swear five minutes."
With that, all of the pent-up angst of their daily frustrations and messed-up week came pouring out. It was amazing to watch as they indulged themselves in some parentally-sanctioned inappropriateness.
Noah spewed obscenities about school and life, hurled his homework folder to the ground, then threw some punches in the air.
Gleefully taking part in what is normally verboten, Aviva stood on her chair, took off her shirt, and called us all "crazy fuckheads" - giggling madly the entire time.
Lilah's reaction to my permissive moment was impressively calculated and measured. She narrowed her eyes and set her jaw, inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled, evenly hissing these three words...
"My. Fucking. Brother."
Like I said, amazing.
I think that everyone felt a little better after all curses were said and outbursts were done. Five minutes, though unconventional, very well spent.
Next week, our routine will be back to normal and I probably won't be tempted to allow such ribaldry...but I can't help being really fucking excited for the next time Noah asks for a swear night.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Autumnal Shiny Happiness
- There is something so simply wonderful about this time of year. I love watching the kids crunch through the leaves as they walk home from school. I love how the cooler air makes me want to cook warm, comforting things. I love the colors, of course, and how they make even the smallest tree look like a superstar. I'm cherishing the next few weeks because, after that, there will be nothing but cold until March.
- Because of this article, I have decided to stop using ground beef. So far, no-one misses it.
- My friend Salina is pregnant! Salina is married to E, whose friendship I've been privileged to have since 5th grade. This baby is so lucky to have such bright, fun, and kindhearted parents. I cannot wait until May!
- Halloween was great. We took a Pirate, a Witch, and Darth Vader out on a perfectly spooky, full-mooned haunt...despite the fact that the Pirate had a touch of scurvy.
- Aviva had a very hard week last week. She got her H1N1 vaccine and reacted to it by developing a fever and pervasive grouchiness for two days. A day and a half after the fever subsided, she showed symptoms of conjunctivitis, so we had the doctor call in a prescription for eye drops. After two doses, she broke out in hives everywhere - head to toe - and started having some intestinal distress. It was a little scary, but once the benadryl kicked in and the bactrim worked it's way out of her system, she was back to her sassy, sweet self.
- I recently watched the "Return of the Jedi" with Lilah. Upon first seeing Princess Leia in that gold bikini, she protested, "What is she wearing??? Why is she chained?? She needs to win and she cannot win like THAT!" Her first actively feminist moment. Awesome.
- Noah's class is doing a drama workshop. He loves it and uses his new "mime skills" to make his sisters laugh.
- Michael and I have (finally!) instituted a monthly date night. Last night, we stayed in our neighborhood - dinner here and a movie here. Dinner was great, especially for a restaurant that just opened. We loved the vibe there and felt very comfortable lingering over our pumpkin creme brulee. At the movie theater, we saw "An Education", which is now one of my top 5 reasons why I love all things Nick Hornby.
- While we were waiting for our table last night, Michael and I wandered into the Booksmith and had some fun. At first, we pretended not to know each other, but the jig was up when Michael kissed me in the cultural studies section. I coyly objected, saying that, if he wanted to sexually harass me in the bookstore, we'd have to move to the sexuality and erotica section. After that, we browsed some more and eventually wandered over to the magazines. As I thumbed through the latest issue of Heeb, I noticed an ad for this and laughed because there is also a breast-pump with the same name. I showed Michael and told him why I was laughing, then, in a more hushed tone, said, "Can you imagine double Freestyling? I think that could cause some kind of injury or spontaneous combustion!" That statement earned me the dirtiest look I have ever gotten in my life, delivered by an octogenarian standing about 3 feet away. I raised my eyebrows in response, then just continued to laugh quietly, savoring his prudish scorn.
- Speaking of scornful elders, my parents' 40th wedding anniversary is on Thanksgiving. Very exciting and admirable! My sister and I have planned a party, which we hope won't be a complete failure because of the holiday.
- I have more news for you, but will have to share it next time :)
- Because of this article, I have decided to stop using ground beef. So far, no-one misses it.
- My friend Salina is pregnant! Salina is married to E, whose friendship I've been privileged to have since 5th grade. This baby is so lucky to have such bright, fun, and kindhearted parents. I cannot wait until May!
- Halloween was great. We took a Pirate, a Witch, and Darth Vader out on a perfectly spooky, full-mooned haunt...despite the fact that the Pirate had a touch of scurvy.
- Aviva had a very hard week last week. She got her H1N1 vaccine and reacted to it by developing a fever and pervasive grouchiness for two days. A day and a half after the fever subsided, she showed symptoms of conjunctivitis, so we had the doctor call in a prescription for eye drops. After two doses, she broke out in hives everywhere - head to toe - and started having some intestinal distress. It was a little scary, but once the benadryl kicked in and the bactrim worked it's way out of her system, she was back to her sassy, sweet self.
- I recently watched the "Return of the Jedi" with Lilah. Upon first seeing Princess Leia in that gold bikini, she protested, "What is she wearing??? Why is she chained?? She needs to win and she cannot win like THAT!" Her first actively feminist moment. Awesome.
- Noah's class is doing a drama workshop. He loves it and uses his new "mime skills" to make his sisters laugh.
- Michael and I have (finally!) instituted a monthly date night. Last night, we stayed in our neighborhood - dinner here and a movie here. Dinner was great, especially for a restaurant that just opened. We loved the vibe there and felt very comfortable lingering over our pumpkin creme brulee. At the movie theater, we saw "An Education", which is now one of my top 5 reasons why I love all things Nick Hornby.
- While we were waiting for our table last night, Michael and I wandered into the Booksmith and had some fun. At first, we pretended not to know each other, but the jig was up when Michael kissed me in the cultural studies section. I coyly objected, saying that, if he wanted to sexually harass me in the bookstore, we'd have to move to the sexuality and erotica section. After that, we browsed some more and eventually wandered over to the magazines. As I thumbed through the latest issue of Heeb, I noticed an ad for this and laughed because there is also a breast-pump with the same name. I showed Michael and told him why I was laughing, then, in a more hushed tone, said, "Can you imagine double Freestyling? I think that could cause some kind of injury or spontaneous combustion!" That statement earned me the dirtiest look I have ever gotten in my life, delivered by an octogenarian standing about 3 feet away. I raised my eyebrows in response, then just continued to laugh quietly, savoring his prudish scorn.
- Speaking of scornful elders, my parents' 40th wedding anniversary is on Thanksgiving. Very exciting and admirable! My sister and I have planned a party, which we hope won't be a complete failure because of the holiday.
- I have more news for you, but will have to share it next time :)
Thursday, October 15, 2009
It Burns When I Press Play
It's a dreary, cold late afternoon.
Noah went to a friend's house and the girls, after exhausting themselves at the playground, asked to watch a movie.
"Sure", I said. "Pick one out. If you can't decide, we can check to see what's on demand."
Aviva excitedly quipped, "I wanna watch a movie on V.D.!!"
(cut to a speechless Cori, looking bemused and bewildered)
"She means D.V.D.", explained Lilah, who was looking at me with an expression that read: Oh pity, my poor, stupid mother.
"That's what I said, Lilah - V.D.!!!!", exclaimed Aviva, sorting through a pile of DVDs at her feet.
Smirking, I helped them make their choice - Nightmare Before Christmas - and started the movie.
As we watched the opening credits and snuggled on the couch, Aviva looked up at me and said,
"Thank you for the V.D., Mommy. I love this one."
I gave her a kiss, tried not to laugh, and hoped that she only had a mild case of Oogey Boogeys.
Noah went to a friend's house and the girls, after exhausting themselves at the playground, asked to watch a movie.
"Sure", I said. "Pick one out. If you can't decide, we can check to see what's on demand."
Aviva excitedly quipped, "I wanna watch a movie on V.D.!!"
(cut to a speechless Cori, looking bemused and bewildered)
"She means D.V.D.", explained Lilah, who was looking at me with an expression that read: Oh pity, my poor, stupid mother.
"That's what I said, Lilah - V.D.!!!!", exclaimed Aviva, sorting through a pile of DVDs at her feet.
Smirking, I helped them make their choice - Nightmare Before Christmas - and started the movie.
As we watched the opening credits and snuggled on the couch, Aviva looked up at me and said,
"Thank you for the V.D., Mommy. I love this one."
I gave her a kiss, tried not to laugh, and hoped that she only had a mild case of Oogey Boogeys.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Occupational Preoccupation
I know I haven't written lately.
I am constantly preoccupied.
Every morning, I get up and feel like my feet are firmly planted in the sand. As the day begins, the undertow pulls me down to face an enormous, quickly approaching wave full of stuff to swim through - showerchildrenworkworkshoppingcookinglaundrythinkthinkbudgetmoneyerrandsappointmentsdon'tforgetsignthishelpmehomeworkpracticecleanupbathsreadastorybedtime. So, I just keep swimming. On most days, if I stop long enough to write, I will drown.
Add to this my ever increasing work-related angst. That's really what I want to write about, but, if I do, I run the risk of being entombed in a sarcophagus of swaddle blankets, mummified with lanolin ointment and disposable nursing pads...or fired. Either of those situations would lead to literal or figurative discomfort. So, mummies the word, lest I upset the goddesses.
I am constantly preoccupied.
Every morning, I get up and feel like my feet are firmly planted in the sand. As the day begins, the undertow pulls me down to face an enormous, quickly approaching wave full of stuff to swim through - showerchildrenworkworkshoppingcookinglaundrythinkthinkbudgetmoneyerrandsappointmentsdon'tforgetsignthishelpmehomeworkpracticecleanupbathsreadastorybedtime. So, I just keep swimming. On most days, if I stop long enough to write, I will drown.
Add to this my ever increasing work-related angst. That's really what I want to write about, but, if I do, I run the risk of being entombed in a sarcophagus of swaddle blankets, mummified with lanolin ointment and disposable nursing pads...or fired. Either of those situations would lead to literal or figurative discomfort. So, mummies the word, lest I upset the goddesses.
Lately, I've also been less enthusiastic about telling people what I do, especially when I'm not feeling chatty. More specifically, I've been hesitating to talk shop with mothers of young children because, sometimes, they see it as a green light to chatter aimlessly about their birth and postpartum experiences. I can't seem to figure out a polite way to get out of these sentimental, occasionally self-justifying monologues without "accidentally" tripping one of my own children, causing a scrape that requires immediate kisses and band-aids.
But I could never do that. So I do what I do - listen, nod, smile, offer reassurance.
I think I'm going to start telling people that I'm a psychic. That way, when they start to respond, I can cut them off with, "No need to talk - I already know what you're going to say."
I'm becoming desensitized, maybe even burnt out. I know.
Let's move onto some shinier, happier things, shall we?
- Noah started playing clarinet and has already made extraordinary progress. I normally don't like to make sweeping generalizations about his natural talents, but he really seems to be the kind of person that can pick up any instrument and teach himself how to play it. Wowza.
- Lilah started soccer and is an animal out there on the field. She's normally so serene, quirky, and whimsical. The juxtaposition is kind of awesome.
- Noah's best friend sleeps over almost every weekend. He's such a great kid and I'm so glad that he's become part of our crew.
- Lilah's girlfriends all have names that begin with A or S. Michael and I joke that Lilah is the Veronica.
- Aviva kicks my ass at Memory on a daily basis. She also LOVES to dance and will get her groove on to everything from Daft Punk to show-tunes to Lady Gaga to The Ramones.
- Michael and I just spent a weekend alone for the first time in ages. My parents picked the kids up on Friday afternoon and brought them back Sunday evening. Not a moment was wasted - we started with dinner and drinks at our favorite pub, slept until 11 AM, took our time roaming through the MFA, walked through the city, saw Ben Affleck filming a movie, indulged in an amazing dinner here, loved a lot, laughed a lot, didn't turn the tv on at all, and enjoyed every second. Our days normally move so fast that we rarely get to just hang out together. It was refreshing to have time like that - uncensored, uninterrupted, easy-breezy grown-up time. A marital oasis.
It's nice to have the kids home, though, and they had a great time being over-indulged. Without trepidation, we all began trekking like urban sherpas again today...but now we know to make more frequent stops.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Recent Shiny Happiness
In no particular order...
- Lilah lost her first tooth! I was at work when it fell out, but Michael said that she was very surprised. "It just didn't seem wiggly enough to fall out yet", she said. She wrote the tooth fairy a lovely note expressing her excitement and asking about her favorite color and candies. The tooth fairy replied with a note answering her questions (pink, pink bubblegum) and congratulating Lilah on losing her first tooth. She also left a little present and a dollar. So nice, that tooth fairy.
- Noah is in the throes of that "girls are yucky" stage. As I was tucking him in last night, I commented on how handsome he is and teasingly said that there must be a lot of little girls who have crushes on him. He sighed a completely disgusted and exasperated sigh and said, "Um, NO-OOO. And I don't have crushes any girls, either!" "Really? How come?", I said. "Because", he said, "girls are awful and cold and spiky." The conversation continued for a bit and we agreed that his sisters are an exception. Then he came out with this gem of an observation...
- Lilah lost her first tooth! I was at work when it fell out, but Michael said that she was very surprised. "It just didn't seem wiggly enough to fall out yet", she said. She wrote the tooth fairy a lovely note expressing her excitement and asking about her favorite color and candies. The tooth fairy replied with a note answering her questions (pink, pink bubblegum) and congratulating Lilah on losing her first tooth. She also left a little present and a dollar. So nice, that tooth fairy.
- Noah is in the throes of that "girls are yucky" stage. As I was tucking him in last night, I commented on how handsome he is and teasingly said that there must be a lot of little girls who have crushes on him. He sighed a completely disgusted and exasperated sigh and said, "Um, NO-OOO. And I don't have crushes any girls, either!" "Really? How come?", I said. "Because", he said, "girls are awful and cold and spiky." The conversation continued for a bit and we agreed that his sisters are an exception. Then he came out with this gem of an observation...
- I took Aviva to see Ponyo - her first trip to the movie theater. We got to our seats just as the movie began. Her whole face just lit up with wonder and awe as the first images filled the screen. She sat still the whole time, completely mesmerized by the beautiful animation and whimsical story. I had forgotten how magical the movies can be and I'm so glad that Aviva reminded me.
- All three kids are totally free for the next two weeks. I love having them home and am so happy to be able to share these relaxing last days of Summer with them.
- Lilah loves the song "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure. However, she thinks that, because Robert Smith is so creepy looking, he is saying "zombie, zombie, zombie" instead of "show me, show me, show me".
- I was very happy with the final results of So You Think You Can Dance. However, just before the finale, I was complaining to my friend, Dave, about one of the finalists, saying that I was tired of his "Gee-gaw, aw shucks bullshit". Dave replied, "What the HELL happened to you?! Shiny Happy, my ass. You sound more like Crusty Jaded Mama to me." Heh. Gee thanks, Dave. Aw, shucks.
- Lilah is becoming quite the bookworm. I hope she continues to love reading and that, when she's older, she and I can have our own private book club - just the two of us.
- Michael has an unfair trick up his sleeve. If he senses that I am about to argue or complain, he immediately starts flirting with me in an Israeli accent... "Eh, Cori. Why don't you bring your sweet poontachat over here? I'll take you to disco and then you come back to my shack. Sounds nice, eh? B'seder, motek." It's infuriating...and hilarious...and kind of hot. Ugh!
- Aviva is an alpha female, a ring leader. When we're at the park, she uses her three-year-old charisma and charm to form a posse that follows her lead. I don't know whether to be very proud or very afraid.
- We went to Maine to visit my sister-in-law and her family. They have an enormous amount of land, complete with their own creek. It was a scorcher of a day, so the kids had a blast swimming with their cousins. Their uncle also built a 50-yard, home-made Slip-N-Slide (on a steep hill, of course!). Wicked awesome, wicked fun.
- While we were driving through rural Maine to get to my sister-in-law's house, Noah, city punk that he is, said, "There is really NOTHING out here. I feel like there should be banjos playing!". Then he started singing this melody. Michael had to pull over because he was laughing so hard!
That's all for now. Have a shiny, happy day. :)
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Thirty-Something Woman Dies Laughing
Well, almost.
Yesterday was a lovely day. I didn't have to work. I got some chores done and did some yoga. Aviva and I watched a movie, played outside, and baked some delicious brownies. Noah and Lilah came home from camp chatty and happy. Michael got home before dinner - a rare occurrence these days - and kissed me like he hadn't seen me in weeks.
Dinner was on the table by 6:30 and all five of us sat down together. Family dinners at our house are noisy affairs. The kids joke around, tell silly stories, and we all usually laugh a lot.
Last night was no different.
Noah is an excellent story-teller. He's theatrical. His timing and delivery are always spot-on. Last night, he was telling us about playing a trick on one of the teenage Junior Counselors earlier in the day.
"...So, I went up to her and said, "Hey! You have a big spider in your hair. And she was like (dramatic pause).....AAAAAAAAAAH! Oh my God! AAAAAAAH! Get it OFF! Get it OFF!" (complete with flailing, stomping and head-shaking)
Normally, I would have laughed and then scolded him for playing tricks on people, but, right before he started mimicking her reaction, I had taken a sip of water.
So, I laughed and all of that water went right into my lungs. Throat closed. No air. No sound.
But I was still LAUGHING...which certainly wasn't helping the situation.
After about 35 more seconds with no air, I went from silly, airless laughing to panicked, airless crying. My head felt like it might explode. My lungs ached. Every ounce of my body was tense. I could hear Michael saying, "Cori! Breathe! Oh my god!". Lilah sounded as panicked as I felt when I heard her say, "Mommy! Are you OK?".
Another 30-40 seconds passed before I heard a seal-like barking noise. Slowly, I realized that the noise had come from me. I tried to breathe again and heard another barking noise. Then I felt the air. And took another few breaths. And coughed a more human-sounding cough.
Michael rubbed my back. The kids looked worried and confused. I said, "I'm OK, it's over. I just choked. I'll be fine."
"Jeez", said Noah, wrapping his arm around me, "Remind me to never make you laugh again!"
"I know!", I replied, giving him a kiss, "I almost died laughing!"
Then my day went back to being lovely, with lots more laughter and brownies for dessert.
Yesterday was a lovely day. I didn't have to work. I got some chores done and did some yoga. Aviva and I watched a movie, played outside, and baked some delicious brownies. Noah and Lilah came home from camp chatty and happy. Michael got home before dinner - a rare occurrence these days - and kissed me like he hadn't seen me in weeks.
Dinner was on the table by 6:30 and all five of us sat down together. Family dinners at our house are noisy affairs. The kids joke around, tell silly stories, and we all usually laugh a lot.
Last night was no different.
Noah is an excellent story-teller. He's theatrical. His timing and delivery are always spot-on. Last night, he was telling us about playing a trick on one of the teenage Junior Counselors earlier in the day.
"...So, I went up to her and said, "Hey! You have a big spider in your hair. And she was like (dramatic pause).....AAAAAAAAAAH! Oh my God! AAAAAAAH! Get it OFF! Get it OFF!" (complete with flailing, stomping and head-shaking)
Normally, I would have laughed and then scolded him for playing tricks on people, but, right before he started mimicking her reaction, I had taken a sip of water.
So, I laughed and all of that water went right into my lungs. Throat closed. No air. No sound.
But I was still LAUGHING...which certainly wasn't helping the situation.
After about 35 more seconds with no air, I went from silly, airless laughing to panicked, airless crying. My head felt like it might explode. My lungs ached. Every ounce of my body was tense. I could hear Michael saying, "Cori! Breathe! Oh my god!". Lilah sounded as panicked as I felt when I heard her say, "Mommy! Are you OK?".
Another 30-40 seconds passed before I heard a seal-like barking noise. Slowly, I realized that the noise had come from me. I tried to breathe again and heard another barking noise. Then I felt the air. And took another few breaths. And coughed a more human-sounding cough.
Michael rubbed my back. The kids looked worried and confused. I said, "I'm OK, it's over. I just choked. I'll be fine."
"Jeez", said Noah, wrapping his arm around me, "Remind me to never make you laugh again!"
"I know!", I replied, giving him a kiss, "I almost died laughing!"
Then my day went back to being lovely, with lots more laughter and brownies for dessert.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Exclusivity
It all began with some innocent dinner table chit-chat.
Noah said to his sisters, "Who do you like better, Tom or Jerry?"
Lilah immediately cast a vote for the little mouse and Aviva got MAD.
"Lilah", she huffed, "I like Jerry. NOT YOU. ONLY ME."
Lilah laughed, which made Aviva even angrier.
I decided to thwart a tantrum by saying, "Girls, you can both like Jerry."
Aviva gave me her mean face. And growled.
"No. I like Jerry. JUST ME."
Sigh.
This little incident sparked two days of the world revolving around Aviva.
Since then, she has revoked the idea that I am also Noah and Lilah's mom (a silly argument, since I'm fairly certain that I gave birth to them.). She won't let me kiss or hug Michael, saying, "NO! My Daddy!"
To make matters worse, Lilah came down with a little fever and had to stay home from camp for two days. My need to focus on her turned Aviva into a whiny beast. Every activity had to be her choice, every moment I spent tending to Lilah was scored with shrill whines.
Today, Lilah is back at camp, feeling better.
Aviva also starts My Gym class today. Let's hope that she has too much fun to notice that she's not running the show and that my mantra - it's just a phase, it's just a phase - makes this stage of the 3's go by quickly.
Noah said to his sisters, "Who do you like better, Tom or Jerry?"
Lilah immediately cast a vote for the little mouse and Aviva got MAD.
"Lilah", she huffed, "I like Jerry. NOT YOU. ONLY ME."
Lilah laughed, which made Aviva even angrier.
I decided to thwart a tantrum by saying, "Girls, you can both like Jerry."
Aviva gave me her mean face. And growled.
"No. I like Jerry. JUST ME."
Sigh.
This little incident sparked two days of the world revolving around Aviva.
Since then, she has revoked the idea that I am also Noah and Lilah's mom (a silly argument, since I'm fairly certain that I gave birth to them.). She won't let me kiss or hug Michael, saying, "NO! My Daddy!"
To make matters worse, Lilah came down with a little fever and had to stay home from camp for two days. My need to focus on her turned Aviva into a whiny beast. Every activity had to be her choice, every moment I spent tending to Lilah was scored with shrill whines.
Today, Lilah is back at camp, feeling better.
Aviva also starts My Gym class today. Let's hope that she has too much fun to notice that she's not running the show and that my mantra - it's just a phase, it's just a phase - makes this stage of the 3's go by quickly.
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