Licensed to Ill

Add to the list of things that my children have in common: All three got dreadfully ill during their first month of preschool. All of those new friends and new germs get their immune systems jumping, telling their bodies, much like Beastie Boys, that it's time to get ill.

(Admittedly, the preschool way of getting ill is much less fun that the Beastie Boy way)

Last week, it was Aviva's turn to have a germy, preschool-related, downward-spiraling lurgy.

It started with congestion. A little cold, I thought. No big deal.

Within 4 hours of the first sniffle, she had a fever of 103 and her nose was dripping like some sort of Kafkaesque faucet.

(cut to me, frantically rearranging my schedule while maternally stroking her hot little head)

She was restless that night, motrin barely touching her fever. Poor thing.

The next day, propelled by lethargy and discontentment, she built herself a nest of throw pillows on couch. Her throne. There she lounged, watching cartoons, taking naps and ordering me around.

Over the next several days, I learned what it was like to be a servant to a hostile queen.

In addition to a constant barrage of impolite demands for tissues and beverages, here are a few of her other demands, verbatim:

"Paint my fingernails! And toes!"

"Tom and Jerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry!!"

"My foot is so cold and buzzy! I need a sock! One sock! ONLY ONE!"

If I was out of the room for more than a minute or two, she let out ear-splitting, banshee-like wail of "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"

Her lips chapped because she couldn't breathe through her nose (and the stuff from her nose exacerbated the chapping), but every application of chapstick/aquaphor resulted in her screaming, "It spices my mouth! GO AWAY, MAMA!" (this made me a little sad)

Aviva, what would you like for lunch? ... "Chocolate chips!" How about some fruit, too? Or some yogurt? "NO! JUST CHOCOLATE CHIPS!"

I think you need a shower, Aviva... "No shower! Never!"

OK, Aviva. It's time to get out of the shower... "No! I want to stay in!"

"Tell Daddy to come home from work. I WANT DADDYYYYY!"

"Tell the phone to stop ringing!"

It was around day four of her illness that she started complaining of sore ears and her fever spiked to a very worrisome 104.4. So, we went to the pediatrician and found out that she had a double ear infection...and that the infection happened so quickly that it caused her right eardrum to rupture.

I immediately forgave Aviva for her germ-fueled belligerence. I would probably forgo all social graces if my ear canals were full of fluid, too.

She started antibiotics that night and, within 48 hours, was back to her sassy, sweet, only mildly bossy self.

She went back to preschool exactly one week after she got the sniffles. When I picked her up, I was greeted excitedly and got an enormous hug. Her face was animated and her voice full of laughter as she chattered about her day.

Looking at her in that moment and thinking back to that ill, lethargic little tyrant on the couch, I smiled, relieved.

I sure did miss her.